alianora: Sakurai Sho from Arashi, hand over one eye (Default)
[personal profile] alianora
TITLE: Paragraph Indent
AUTHOR: alianora
FANDOM: Glee
A/N: Remix of Sans Serif by knittycat99
SUMMERY: He loved Kurt so much, and he wouldn't hurt Kurt for the world.



It wasn't supposed to happen. It was never supposed to happen. Kurt was the love of his life, and Blaine was deliriously, ridiculously happy with Kurt in his life. He was. Always.



But there was Danny, his intern, who was a mistake. But what does everyone expect to happen when you have a cute boy with a sweet, sly smile waiting for you and hanging on your every word?



Honestly, it's a miracle it hadn't happened earlier.



Danny had been Blaine's intern for almost six months before anything happened, and Blaine had ignored the flattery and the flutter of Danny's eyelashes until the heat under Blaine's skin had gotten to be too much, and the next thing he knew, Danny was laughing as Blaine dropped him onto the desk - hot mouth pressing kisses to Blaine's neck and whispering naughty things into Blaine's ear.



After, Blaine's stomach had clenched, and he left the boy tidying up the office from where they had thrown papers onto the floor and knocked a water bottle over. When he got home, he had called out for Kurt, and had been so relieved to have no answer. Blaine had stood in the shower for an hour, letting the water run over his face and the slight scratches on his back he knew he would have to find a way to hide.



He hated it.



He hated hiding this. He hated doing this.



He loved Kurt. He loved Kurt. Kurt was his life and his heart and his air.



Loving Kurt was like breathing. Without him, Blaine wouldn't be able to draw in air - he would crumble into dust and die without Kurt.



But. But, there were always the others. Even though Blaine hated himself every time, he couldn't seem to stop himself. He couldn't turn away from sinking into someone else's arms for the few moments they offered, even though during, he was breathless and gasping without Kurt.



Loving Danny, or Jacob the barista, or Michael the artist, was like fire. It was fun and fast and intense - something that burned itself out quickly, but always left Blaine feeling flushed and warm.



He and Kurt had been together for months before anything ever happened with anyone else. Blaine was settled and happy and so, so consumed with how Kurt shone when Blaine smiled at him. He had known that this was it - that Kurt was it for him. There would be no one else ever.



Until there had been.



The first time, it was a woman. Blaine had been drunk and curious, and Kurt had been locked away on a self imposed writing retreat. It had been new and different, and while Blaine had liked it, he had kissed her goodbye and thanked his stars that he'd finally gotten that out of the way so he would never have to cheat on Kurt again. He knew what it was like to be with a woman now - soft and smooth and supple where Kurt was angles and stubble and so much more to Blaine.



It wouldn't happen again.



Blaine had thrown away the shirt with the lipstick stain and dumped out the box of condoms so Kurt wouldn't see the new box and wonder why it was open. He had showered and called in a cleaning service and changed his shaving gel, just to be certain Kurt would sense nothing amiss. Because it didn't matter that it had happened. Because it would never happen again.



And it hadn't.



For almost a year, it hadn't.



And Blaine was happy, and Kurt was happy, and together, they built a sanctuary for themselves - something just for the two of them. It was warm and welcoming, and reminded Blaine of how he felt when he looked up from his desk at work to see Kurt standing there, holding a picnic lunch that Kurt had cooked and packed himself, full of things like raspberry tarts and sweet cookies made from scratch. Things that Blaine loved and appreciated and held Kurt tighter for.



And then, one night, he and Kurt had argued. Blaine had wracked his brain for months after, trying to remember what they had fought about. What had been so bad and so stupid (Dishes? Money? Work hours?) that had sent Blaine storming from their apartment into the night without a word to Kurt about where he was going or when he would be back.



He had come back, of course. He would sooner step in front of a cab than leave Kurt.



But before he had come back, he had slipped into a bar, and then slipped into the back of a car with a stranger. Blaine could remember the heat of the guy's mouth and the shape of his back and how alive he had felt. He could also remember waking up the next day at a friend's house, filled with shame and self hatred.



And he swore to himself, that this time, this time, was the absolute last.



Kurt had cried when Blaine had come home, and Blaine had held him close and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," but Kurt had never asked why he was apologizing, and Blaine had never explained.



How could he explain? How could he explain that as much as he loved Kurt (and he did - he did, Kurt was his entire world and he would give Kurt the moon if he could), that sometimes, Blaine just..couldn't stop himself. He couldn't help it. God, Blaine hated himself for even thinking that - that he couldn't help it. It was something a cheater would say, and Blaine would not, could not consider himself a cheater. He had cheated, yes, but he wasn't a cheater.



It wasn't like he went out looking for other people. He knew it was wrong. It was so wrong that Blaine had thrown up in the middle of the night once or twice, especially after things started with Danny.



Danny was cute enough, and he was always underfoot, and one day things just happened - Blaine was swept away in the moment, and after, he swore to himself that it wouldn't happen again.



Except it did, Danny catching at Blaine's hand and tugging him into a cab one day after work, and Blaine hazily remembered calling Kurt and explaining about a late meeting, all the while Danny's hands were slipping underneath the waistband of Blaine's pants with clever, talented, fingers.



But that was it. Blaine was firm. He explained to Danny that it was a mistake, that he loved Kurt (God, how he loved Kurt), and that it was over.



It was, until a week after that, and two days after that, and then every Wednesday and some Fridays after that for too many months, and Blaine hated himself every time, but he couldn't seem to stop. He couldn't make himself stay away from Danny's flirty grins and smooth stomach.



He would stop. He would. He could. He wasn't a cheater. He loved Kurt so much, and he wouldn't hurt Kurt for the world.



And then Danny turned to him with a naughty wink of the eye in the elevator, and Blaine felt the heat rising inside him again. But Blaine told himself that this would be it - the absolute last time. He would pull himself out of the warm, willing body and walk away, shower away all of the shame and embarrassment, and this wouldn't happen again.



And the most important part, he thought, as Danny sank to the floor, was that Kurt would never know. Kurt would never be hurt, never be heartbroken by Blaine's infidelity. Kurt would stay safe and loved and loving, waiting with open arms and bright eyes for Blaine to come home to him.



This would be the last time.



He swore it.



END

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alianora: Sakurai Sho from Arashi, hand over one eye (Default)
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