Schedules and Other Useless Things
WHAT MY LIFE LOOKS LIKE FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL WEEKS
MONDAY:
-shove everything lying around in a box. try not to pack baby or cat in box
-mail 8 billion boxes to parents' house in ga
-argue with phone company about final bill. give in and pay whatever.
-attempt to sleep on a bare mattress with husband who doesnt like to share single blanket
TUESDAY:
-wake up panicking because the plane will be here in seconds and the cats arent crated and the baby isnt dressed and husband has inexplicably disappeared
-board plane that seats 10 people with 2 cats, 1 baby, 1 husband, 3 suitcases, 1 pack and play, 1 carseat, and 2 computer bags
-arrive in Anchorage
-collapse
WEDNESDAY:
-foist child off on husband, ignore pathetic cries from husband
-enjoy massage and facial as belated mother's day gift
-drag cats to vet to get health certificates
-pay off kid's doctor. pay off adult doctor. pay off insurance. beg insurance for the $600 owed back
-repack cats, suitcases, and baby
-divest husband of pocketknife, lighter, and all other sharp pointy things
-divest self of pocketknife
-sit in airport for several hours
-pray child sleeps on plane
THURSDAY:
-arrive in Denver
-play nice with Brandus' parents
-remind flist that bail money might be needed if playing nice fails miserably
-unpack cats and child
-play nice with Brandus' parents
-that means no hitting
-no stabbing either
-put the knife away, dammit
CONTINUE UNTIL JUNE 5
JUNE 5:
-pack cats, self, and baby
-allow computer case to be pried out of arms with crowbar
-cry
-wave goodbye to husband
-drag self, baby, 2 cats, 2 suitcases, 1 pack and play, and 1 carseat through airport
-pray child does not show his fangs in public
-arrive in NC
-stumble off plane and hand off child to his aunt
-hand off cats to aunt's girlfriend
-collapse
JUNE 6:
-squish self, baby, sister, and sister's girlfriend into car
-drive around aimlessly, arguing over directions
-look at slums and try to make positive sounds - "this has a nice..door." "i dont think we'd be murdered in our sleep here."
-sign rental contract for least scary place - pray they dont ask about current employment
-foist child off on his aunt and her girlfriend and collapse onto floor of rented slum, and hope husband arrives quickly with computer and everything else owned
MONDAY:
-shove everything lying around in a box. try not to pack baby or cat in box
-mail 8 billion boxes to parents' house in ga
-argue with phone company about final bill. give in and pay whatever.
-attempt to sleep on a bare mattress with husband who doesnt like to share single blanket
TUESDAY:
-wake up panicking because the plane will be here in seconds and the cats arent crated and the baby isnt dressed and husband has inexplicably disappeared
-board plane that seats 10 people with 2 cats, 1 baby, 1 husband, 3 suitcases, 1 pack and play, 1 carseat, and 2 computer bags
-arrive in Anchorage
-collapse
WEDNESDAY:
-foist child off on husband, ignore pathetic cries from husband
-enjoy massage and facial as belated mother's day gift
-drag cats to vet to get health certificates
-pay off kid's doctor. pay off adult doctor. pay off insurance. beg insurance for the $600 owed back
-repack cats, suitcases, and baby
-divest husband of pocketknife, lighter, and all other sharp pointy things
-divest self of pocketknife
-sit in airport for several hours
-pray child sleeps on plane
THURSDAY:
-arrive in Denver
-play nice with Brandus' parents
-remind flist that bail money might be needed if playing nice fails miserably
-unpack cats and child
-play nice with Brandus' parents
-that means no hitting
-no stabbing either
-put the knife away, dammit
CONTINUE UNTIL JUNE 5
JUNE 5:
-pack cats, self, and baby
-allow computer case to be pried out of arms with crowbar
-cry
-wave goodbye to husband
-drag self, baby, 2 cats, 2 suitcases, 1 pack and play, and 1 carseat through airport
-pray child does not show his fangs in public
-arrive in NC
-stumble off plane and hand off child to his aunt
-hand off cats to aunt's girlfriend
-collapse
JUNE 6:
-squish self, baby, sister, and sister's girlfriend into car
-drive around aimlessly, arguing over directions
-look at slums and try to make positive sounds - "this has a nice..door." "i dont think we'd be murdered in our sleep here."
-sign rental contract for least scary place - pray they dont ask about current employment
-foist child off on his aunt and her girlfriend and collapse onto floor of rented slum, and hope husband arrives quickly with computer and everything else owned