Ummm...would you marry me? No, really. I'll have babies for you and we can call them Rainn and Rane and Raene and Rhaine and Rayne and Ran (with a slash mark over the 'a' to denote the long vowel...the smart kid would have to get that one).
You can write smut and I'll cook.
And just think--not only do you get one HELL of a "LovesToBeInTheKitchen and MakesTheBESTCookies&FudgeEver"-Cook, I come complete with: a RL model-beautiful, 3-year old son; a virtual wife, since wraith816 and I (along with a bunch of other SG-1 slashers) decided to take congratulate Canada for their stance on Gay Marriage/Civil Unions, and potentially ANOTHER wife with aliaspiral offering to leave her hubby for me after she saw "teh vid".
Suggested Retail Price: 1 Million USD Your Price: This fic, the previous ficlet, PLUS one guh-worthy Hamilton real-fic.
Additional Product Information
bugchicklv comes complete with: full "Housewife" software, installed; 1 fully accredited College Education; and a proclivity toward drooling over "slash" and kinky *non-"bathroom"* oriented fanfiction.
Available in only 1 (one) model: the Standard Het-Edition.
Recent Upgrades include: "KungFuGrip" replaced with "TiesKnotsInCherryStem" tongue, a higher memory capacity, "Empathy" and "Patience" nodules, and an installed (searchable) version of the Kama Sutra. This version is also 20 lbs. lighter than the model available 1 month ago.
Please Note: Suggested B.O.B, 4 AA Rechargeable Batteries, and Attachable Accessories are each sold separately and/or as a complete add-on package. Prices and availablity may vary, depending on market demand. Ask model for local dealer information.
Product Warnings: Will be overly emotional and potentially moody approximately 4 days per month, but does not typically warrant pharmaceutical intervention. Does not perform under certain conditions--mainly when forced to be in the presence of StupidPeopleWhoNeedAKilling and EgotisticalThinkTheyKnowEverythingMales. Decreased performance may result after several successive uses without allowing model to recuperate, if model is not used in accordance to directions, if suggestions/requests are dismissed/ignored, and (of course) with age. Do NOT operate while driving as accidents resulting from such use are VERY HARD to explain, and expensive; also, your insurance will go up.
PLEASE NOTE: NOT (under any condition) for sale OR for use by those under 21 years of age; international definitions of "adult" and "acceptibility" DO NOT APPLY, no matter the circumstances. 21 Period! Intentional Mishandling and/or Misuse by consumer is AMORAL, can be considered in some jurisdictions as ILLEGAL, and EvilSadisticInexplicable infliction of emotional or physical damage to model, without prior and/or continual VERBAL consent, can be punishable by law resulting in heavy fines and/or YouGetToBeDaB*tchNow incarceration--with missing, relocated, mangled, bleeding, or broken body parts pretty much damn well guaranteed.
Completely read and understand instructions before first use and periodically thereafter. Owner's Manual is comprehensive and includes an FAQ. If you have any other questions, comments, suggestions or concerns, you may contact the Manufacturer directly at: 1-800-2Fn-gBad.
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Date: 2005-10-10 10:42 am (UTC)(re-reads)
Ummm...would you marry me? No, really. I'll have babies for you and we can call them Rainn and Rane and Raene and Rhaine and Rayne and Ran (with a slash mark over the 'a' to denote the long vowel...the smart kid would have to get that one).
You can write smut and I'll cook.
And just think--not only do you get one HELL of a "LovesToBeInTheKitchen and MakesTheBESTCookies&FudgeEver"-Cook, I come complete with: a RL model-beautiful, 3-year old son; a virtual wife, since
Suggested Retail Price: 1 Million USD
Your Price: This fic, the previous ficlet, PLUS one guh-worthy Hamilton real-fic.
Additional Product Information
bugchicklv comes complete with: full "Housewife" software, installed; 1 fully accredited College Education; and a proclivity toward drooling over "slash" and kinky *non-"bathroom"* oriented fanfiction.
Available in only 1 (one) model: the Standard Het-Edition.
Recent Upgrades include: "KungFuGrip" replaced with "TiesKnotsInCherryStem" tongue, a higher memory capacity, "Empathy" and "Patience" nodules, and an installed (searchable) version of the Kama Sutra. This version is also 20 lbs. lighter than the model available 1 month ago.
Please Note: Suggested B.O.B, 4 AA Rechargeable Batteries, and Attachable Accessories are each sold separately and/or as a complete add-on package. Prices and availablity may vary, depending on market demand. Ask model for local dealer information.
Product Warnings: Will be overly emotional and potentially moody approximately 4 days per month, but does not typically warrant pharmaceutical intervention. Does not perform under certain conditions--mainly when forced to be in the presence of StupidPeopleWhoNeedAKilling and EgotisticalThinkTheyKnowEverythingMales. Decreased performance may result after several successive uses without allowing model to recuperate, if model is not used in accordance to directions, if suggestions/requests are dismissed/ignored, and (of course) with age. Do NOT operate while driving as accidents resulting from such use are VERY HARD to explain, and expensive; also, your insurance will go up.
PLEASE NOTE: NOT (under any condition) for sale OR for use by those under 21 years of age; international definitions of "adult" and "acceptibility" DO NOT APPLY, no matter the circumstances. 21 Period! Intentional Mishandling and/or Misuse by consumer is AMORAL, can be considered in some jurisdictions as ILLEGAL, and EvilSadisticInexplicable infliction of emotional or physical damage to model, without prior and/or continual VERBAL consent, can be punishable by law resulting in heavy fines and/or YouGetToBeDaB*tchNow incarceration--with missing, relocated, mangled, bleeding, or broken body parts pretty much damn well guaranteed.
Completely read and understand instructions before first use and periodically thereafter. Owner's Manual is comprehensive and includes an FAQ. If you have any other questions, comments, suggestions or concerns, you may contact the Manufacturer directly at: 1-800-2Fn-gBad.
(continued in next post)