alianora | FIC: Comedy of Eros (Hana Yori Dango, PG)

Title: Comedy of Eros
Fandom: Hana Yori Dango
Author: alianora
Rating: PG
Summery: Domyouji and Makino can't get something as simple as basic biology wrong, can they?

1.

The first time the topic came up, Makino was looking at her plate, not at him.

"Domyouji?" She took a deep breath. "Domyouji, I think..I think I'm ready for us to go to the next..."

"Course? Yes, this fish is crap!" Domyouji leaned over to signal the waiter. "Bring us something that doesn't taste like dirt!"

Makino's plate was whisked away before she could put her chopsticks down. "Oh! Domyouji, that wasn't what I meant."

If he had been looking closely, he would have seen her flush. He wasn't. Instead, he was busy examining the cherry placed on top of his chocolate cake.

"I mean..I mean.." Makino fumbled for words.

He laughed at her. "Little idiot," he said affectionately. "I ordered you cheesecake this time."

Makino stared at him wordlessly as he popped the cherry in his mouth and smiled at her.

2.

F4 stared at Tsukasa in something approaching horror.

Suijiroh's eyes were comically wide. Akira was frozen with one hand reaching across the table. Rui..Rui was trying not to choke with laughter.

And Tsukasa was oblivious to it as he scowled down at the cards in his hand. He threw down one card triumphantly and said, "HA! The Great Domyouji has won, of course!" He patted himself on the back loudly, then finally noticed the strange actions of his friends. "What?" he said irritably. "I know I've won this time - I took Rui's cards."

Rui lay his head down on the gaming table, laughing helplessly.

Akira spoke slowly. Suijiroh offered to draw diagrams.

"WHAT?" Tsukasa exclaimed. "Of course she didn't mean that she wanted..that we should...that I could..." He spluttered to a stop and pushed himself abruptly to his feet. "Where's my phone?"

3.

Makino stopped dead when she entered the hotel room. She took in the enormous bubble bath shaped like a champagne glass, the heart shaped bed that took up nearly half of the room, and the two inches of rose petals heaped on everything. Matching pairs of very skimpy lingerie were hanging on the huge mirror that stood across from the bed.

"Absolutely not," she said firmly.

Domyouji didn't even blink, just threw himself on the bed and gave her what was probably supposed to be a suave smile, one elbow sinking deeply into the comforter.

Makino sighed and flipped open her phone.

4.

Akira and Suijiroh were in charge of the room this time. They obtained an elegantly decorated hotel room - large, but not gaudy. Rui had champagne chilled and sent up.

Makino relaxed into a bubble bath that she wouldn't drown in, unaware of what was going on outside the locked door.

Tsukasa paced anxiously, wearing a robe with a fur collar that kept getting into his mouth. He spoke as quietly as possible into the phone he had pressed to his ear, one eye on the bathroom door. "Yes, of course I know what I'm doing! No, I don't need any suggestions, idiot! It's fairly straightforward!" He stopped dead in his tracks. "What do you mean, 'no, it isn't?" His eyes narrowed. "Have you been keeping secrets from me?" He demanded.

Tsukasa scowled, and checked the bathroom door, but it remained closed. "Fine, fine," he muttered, "I'm going to get a pen." He heedlessly tossed things off the small decorative desk in his search, and settled himself into the dainty chair. "This better be worth it," he hissed into the phone as he hauled a pad of paper close to his chest.

5.

"You like this?" Domyouji half asked/half ordered.

"Let's try something else..ooh."

"That?"

"Yes." A sigh of pleasure. Then, "Ow! That's my ear! Why are you biting me?"

"I'm seducing you!"

"You're hurting me, you moron! Can't you just kiss me like a normal person?"

"I have to kiss you in several erogenous zones for maximum pleasure," he informed her crankily. "Now, lay still."

"OW!"

6.

Domyouji stood barely outside of the hotel room door in his robe, one foot propping it open, and whispered desperately into his phone. "And then what? I think she liked the other thing, but..." He jumped at the sudden soft noise inside the room, and hung up abruptly, shoving the phone down into his deep pocket.

"Domyouji?" Makino asked in confusion. "Why are you in the hallway?"

"I.." He searched for words. "I didn't want to interrupt your primping! I know how much work you have to do to be as attractive as me!"

Five minutes later, Tsukasa was at the front desk, demanding an extra key to let himself back into the room.

7.

"Where are you going?"

"I just..I'll be right back. The..bathroom, I need to.."

"Domyouji! Is that your phone?"

"No. No, of course not!"

"Give it here!"

A brief scuffle ensued, by the end of which Domyouji was on one side of the bed in his untied robe and black and red silk boxers, and Makino stood on the other with Tsukasa's phone.

Panting with exertion, she lifted it to her ear. "Hello?" she asked. "Ah. Yes." She listened for a moment, ignoring Domyouji's increasingly loud demands for its return. "No, thank you, Hanazawa Rui. I don't have any questions." She listened a moment longer. "Yes. I'll take care of everything. Thank Nishikado-san and Mimasaka-san for me."

Decisively, she closed the phone with a snap, walked over to the bathroom door, and threw it in the trash can.

"Oi!" Domyouji yelped in outrage. "Throw your own pauper phone away and leave mine alone! I need that!"

"No, you don't," Makino said firmly, walking up to him and putting her arms around his neck. "Now, I'm going to give you directions, and you are going to follow them." Her eyes narrowed, "Understand?"

Domyouji followed her hands as they pushed his robe off his shoulders. He looked at her in astonishment.

Makino smiled determindly, and untied her own robe.

8.

Two hours later, Domyouji's phone issued a quiet chirp from it's resting place in the trash can.

Several feet away, Makino rolled over and stole the covers, leaving a sleeping Domyouji wearing nothing but a delightedly smug grin.

On the other end of the line, Suijiroh, Rui, and Akira lifted a glass in honor of Tsukasa and Makino, and laughed.

END